“Happiness equals reality minus expectations."
There is a shortage of joy and laughter in the world and a surplus of expectations, which leads to disappointment. When we set expectations, we put unnecessary pressure on ourselves and on others to meet our standards. Expectations limit our vision of reality and the future. By expecting or demanding something based on our past experiences, we become too concerned about what should happen vs. what is happening and what could happen.
Unmet expectations result in stress and aggravation. Lowering expectations is an attitude adjustment, which allows us to stay sensible and lighthearted, creating opportunities for positive changes in our lives. Exterminating expectations, allows seeing things through the eyes of others, a perspective that may be unexpected.
The best approach to dealing with others is motivation. the use of phrases such as: "I hope to see", "I would like", and "I would be thankful for" is a form of positive reinforcement. To see the difference between expectations and hopes, try the following exercise and note the difference in how you feel:
Respect, affection and love are all choices we make. All three are unconditional gifts of kindness and care, which do not come with the right of entitlement. Genuine love or affection for someone does not come with an ownership certificate. We cannot control other people's actions, and therefore, any expectations and conditions imposed on others are futile.
Happiness is a function of our mind, it is a gage on reality without the expectations. There are two ways of keeping our mind in check: re-evaluating our reality and lowering our expectations. Unfortunately, no one wants to try the latter. People would rather stay depressed than be thankful for what they have accomplished.
Fortunately, it is possible to achieve success and happiness at the same time. We are not here to live up to other people's expectations. We are here to meet our own goals and fulfill our own dreams. However, if we lower our expectations of others, almost everyone will exceed them.
There is a shortage of joy and laughter in the world and a surplus of expectations, which leads to disappointment. When we set expectations, we put unnecessary pressure on ourselves and on others to meet our standards. Expectations limit our vision of reality and the future. By expecting or demanding something based on our past experiences, we become too concerned about what should happen vs. what is happening and what could happen.
Unmet expectations result in stress and aggravation. Lowering expectations is an attitude adjustment, which allows us to stay sensible and lighthearted, creating opportunities for positive changes in our lives. Exterminating expectations, allows seeing things through the eyes of others, a perspective that may be unexpected.
The solution to stress is changing the outlook from demanding something to hoping for something. Words like "expect, should, and must" create tension, and therefore, cause stress. Words like "want, wish, need" are better, but are still demanding and self centered. Switching from expectation to wishful thinking is a matter of perspective.
The best approach to dealing with others is motivation. the use of phrases such as: "I hope to see", "I would like", and "I would be thankful for" is a form of positive reinforcement. To see the difference between expectations and hopes, try the following exercise and note the difference in how you feel:
Say "I expect you to do ___ or I will be upset."
Then say: "I want you to _________. It would make me very happy."
Now say this: "I will be grateful if you do______."
Do you notice the difference between these three?
Any statement that begins with "If you cared about me you would have" imposes conditions. Conditions, in turn, impose stress. The more someone fulfills our expectations in an attempt to please us, the more we want and expect of this person. One day, our bar will be raised too hight and someone will fail to make it, causing disappointment.
There is a famous saying "if you love someone, set them free". Literally, it means that loving someone does not entitle us to use our love as a manipulation tool. in other words, love does not entitle anyone to expectations or conditions on having that love.
There is a famous saying "if you love someone, set them free". Literally, it means that loving someone does not entitle us to use our love as a manipulation tool. in other words, love does not entitle anyone to expectations or conditions on having that love.
Respect, affection and love are all choices we make. All three are unconditional gifts of kindness and care, which do not come with the right of entitlement. Genuine love or affection for someone does not come with an ownership certificate. We cannot control other people's actions, and therefore, any expectations and conditions imposed on others are futile.
Happiness is a function of our mind, it is a gage on reality without the expectations. There are two ways of keeping our mind in check: re-evaluating our reality and lowering our expectations. Unfortunately, no one wants to try the latter. People would rather stay depressed than be thankful for what they have accomplished.
Fortunately, it is possible to achieve success and happiness at the same time. We are not here to live up to other people's expectations. We are here to meet our own goals and fulfill our own dreams. However, if we lower our expectations of others, almost everyone will exceed them.
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