Inspirations

I have not written, read, or seen anything that was worth sharing, and have not felt like sharing much lately. I've reached an introspective time, during which I prefer to ask questions, listen, read, watch, collect information, think and process it. It's delightful to find hidden treasures in the deep recesses of the subconscious. I tried going out again and socializing or emailing, but it brings little pleasure now. Blogging feels very isolated and self boasting. I much prefer to communicate in person. Speaking to someone gives me a sense of understanding and involvement in the conversation, as opposed to posting a monologue.  

And I have not really done anything exciting worth talking about. It's easier to talk about something radical and brilliant created by others, like the Italo Calvino's classic If On A Winter's Night a Traveler or a new film by Woody Allen To Rome with Love. Though completely unrelated, both Allen and Calvino explore radical methods of communication by involving the reader/viewer in their stories. Allen's technique is very different, he does not make the viewer participate in the film, yet I could not help but feel as though I was a part of it. (Viewer participation would be interesting in terms of a play. Perhaps Calvino's book can be turned into a play with viewer participation, but I am not an expert on plays.)  

What I like best about both Calvino and Allen is the ease with which both artists express their ideas by unitizing means much different from what we are used to. Both are incomplete, both leave the reader/viewer in search of the rest of the story, yet both manage to involve you in their plot-lines as one of the characters. In Calvino's novel, the plot explores the art of reading, while Allen explores the art of creating something ridiculous, which he politely describes as "ahead of its time". Both create a feeling of nostalgia and melancholy discovered in creation of a masterpiece that surpasses the imagination of an ordinary spectator. 

Another genius is Isaac Asimov. I love his simple eloquence and linear approach to story telling. The strength of his writing is in use of logic in place of high poetry. Unlike Woody Allen, he communicates his stories almost clinically, leaving it up to his readers to create their own visual and sensual references from individual perception and ideals. Despite the lack of high literary style, Asimov's work does not lack in skill and interesting notions. One of my newly discovered treasures is Asimov's short story called Cal about a robot who wises to write. It has become my favorite short story. It can be found in a collection of Asimov's writings entitled "Gold". 

Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

Not every book is worth mentioning and not every author is worth quoting, but Viennese neurologist and psychiatrist Viktor Emile Frankl is a rare exception to both rules. Everyone should read his classic psychiatric text “Man's Search for Meaning.”  

Frankl begins this narrative with a moving personal account of a daily life in Auschwitz and other Nazi concentration camps, where he was imprisoned for approximately five years.  Despite the horrific conditions and daily struggle to survive, Frankl concentrated on philosophical observations of prison life, in which he found transcendence and reasons to continue living and refining one's attitude.

The second part of the book is dedicated to Frankl’s “life’s work” - psychotherapeutic method called "Logotherapy”.  Frankl developed "Logotherapy” as a result of his experiences in the Nazi camps and describes it as  a will to meaning as opposed to Adler's Nietzschean doctrine of will to power or Freud's will to pleasure. 

Frankl created Logotherapy as a way to engage people in perpetual and deliberate confrontation of existence.  In “Man's Search for Meaning,” Frankl presents his readers with an opportunity for choice to make life meaningful. When one’s life has no meaning, Frankls demonstrates that it becomes empty and leads to a certain "existential vacuum" - a state of inertia, the biggest symptom of which is boredom. 

In Frankl's view, our modern social situation helps foster boredom, which we fill with food, activities, work, sports, drugs, violence, but in the end remain unfulfilled.  His explanation for this existential vacuum is a decline in our animal instincts and traditions, such as religion, responsibility, family, and community and an increase in passive values such as conformity, pleasure seeking, obeying orders, and otherwise engaging in pursuits that are essentially unsatisfying.

Frankl further argues that our lack of meaning and responsibility leads to depression, aggression, addiction, and empty sexual promiscuity. As such, the goal of Logotherapy is to give people a perception of living for a higher purpose and assuming responsibility for one’s actions.  Frankl's imperative cannons of Logotherapy can by summed up as follows: 

On Choosing One's Attitude

“Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.”

On Committing to Values and Goals

"Logotherapy...considers man as a being whose main concern consists in fulfilling a meaning and in actualizing values, rather than in the mere gratification and satisfaction of drives and instincts."

"What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him. What he needs is not the discharge of tension at any cost, but the call of a potential meaning waiting to be fulfilled by him."

On Love

"Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality. No one can become fully aware of the very essence of another human being unless he loves him. By his love he is enabled to see the essential traits and features in the beloved person; and even more, he sees that which is potential in him, which is not yet actualized but yet ought to be actualized. Furthermore, by his love, the loving person enables the beloved person to actualize these potentialities. By making him aware of what he can be and of what he should become, he makes these potentialities come true." 

On Suffering

"But there was no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bore witness that a man had the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer." 

"In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice." 

"For what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely human potential at its best, which is to transform a personal tragedy into a triumph, to turn one’s predicament into a human achievement. “

On Happiness

"Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue." 

On Discovering the Meaning of Life

"The meaning of our existence is not invented by ourselves, but rather detected."


"What matters, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general, but rather the specific meaning of a person's life at a given moment."

"We can discover this meaning in life in three different ways: (1) by doing a deed; (2) by experiencing a value; and (3) by suffering."

"It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life—daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual." 

On Fulfilling One's Task

"A man who becomes conscious of the responsibility he bears toward a human being who affectionately waits for him, or to an unfinished work, will never be able to throw away his life. He knows the "why" for his existence, and will be able to bear almost any "how."

“Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated, thus, everyone's task is unique as his specific opportunity to implement it.”

On Responsibility

"Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.”

"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." 

"By declaring that man is responsible and must actualize the potential meaning of his life, I wish to stress that the true meaning of life is to be discovered in the world rather than within man or his own psyche, as though it were a closed system. I have termed this constitutive characteristic "the self-transcendence of human existence." It denotes the fact that being human always points, and is directed, to something or someone, other than oneself--be it a meaning to fulfill or another human being to encounter. The more one forgets himself--by giving himself to a cause to serve or another person to love--the more human he is and the more he actualizes himself. What is called self-actualization is not an attainable aim at all, for the simple reason that the more one would strive for it, the more he would miss it. In other words, self-actualization is possible only as a side-effect of self-transcendence." 

Source: Man’s Search for Menaing by Victor Emil Frankl

The Picture of Dorian Gray - a very modern literary novel

Despite being written 120 years ago and being set in the19th century, The Picture of Dorian Gray is a very modern novel.  Today, it serves as an excellent reflection of our self-centered generation, obsessed with everlasting youth and beauty. Vanity as the original sin, hedonism as art, and art as a mirror are just a few of the themes explored by Oscar Wilde in his only novel.

The novel offers much more than retelling of the story of Faust selling his soul or Narcissus myth of youth and beauty. This form of literary novel brings forth the idea of leading a double life, a theme that is most interesting to intellectual and artistically inclined readers. The primary focus of this work is the complexity of relationships between art, beauty, youth, life, superficiality and sin.

Wilde invites his readers to consider the inevitability of vanity in their own association with art.  According to him, "it is the spectator, and not life, that art really mirrors."  Wilde explains that all art exists solely to communicate beauty, but is otherwise “useless."  As such, he warns against over thinking any artwork: "Those who go beneath the surface do so at their peril." At the same time, he agrees that the "only excuse for making a useless thing is that one admires it intensely."

Eat, Pray, Love – a feel good chick flick

Directed by Ryan Murphy and starring Julia Roberts, Billy Drudup, James Franco and Javier Bardem, Eat Pray Love is an accurate film adaptation of the memoir by Elizabeth Gilbert of the same title.

An international bestseller, the book conveyed Gilbert’s personal and slightly self indulgent journey through crisis and self discovery towards an emotional balance.  The story begins with Gilbert, a successful writer and wife, being wholly unhappy in her marriage to a nice and loving husband.  After a painful separation, followed by a gruesome divorce and a short lived romantic relationship with an actor, Gilbert decides to spend a year traveling Italy, India and Indonesia. This journey is funded by an advance to write the book about her experience, which is the story of Eat, Pray, Love.  

The film is based solely on Gilbert’s yearlong journey, at the end of which she finds everything she ever wanted. It’s a fairy tale with a happy ending, except this fairy tale is real and actually happened to Gilbert, who has since been nicked “the lucky girl.”

 The largely female audience waited for this film with enthusiasm, hungry for an emotionally rewarding entertainment that has a ring of truth, no matter how far fetched.  The film is rightfully branded a chick flick, for it touches the hearts and nerves of women, wishing for a fairytale ending after enduring loss of love, loss of self and loss of balance. 

And the film delivers just that – a delightful voyage to splendid places, filled with succulent meals, spirited messages, romantic scenes and a happy ending.  It is a solid piece of Hollywood amusement that is charming and enjoyable throughout.

Julia Roberts devoted herself wholeheartedly to portraying Gilbert on film, making it one of her best performances.  The film's supporting cast is equally excellent, with  Javier Bardem adding icing to the cake of already pleasing scenery.

Although not as inspirational or heartfelt as the original Gilbert prose, Eat, Pray, Love the movie provides women with renewed hope and confidence the way a Disney cartoon fuels idealistic dreams of little girls. 

I Need Your Love – Is that True? - a book review

Sometimes people give me self help books as gift.  I Need Your Love – Is that True? was one of such books I got for my birthday.


Written by Byron Katie,  it's worth a browse for anyone who has been unhappy in a relationship or who is currently seeking approval and love of others.


Byron Katie is an author of many self help books with one common goal: to teach people how to end their own suffering.

Katie created a process to ending suffering, which she calls The Work.  By following her method, readers are taught to identify their stressful thoughts and change their resulting belief system by reversing thought patterns.

Not unlike Eckhart Tolle, a well known spiritual author of the bestselling The Power of Now, Byron Katie discovered a new way of life after being severely depressed for almost a decade.  Katie calls her enlightenment  “waking up to reality.” She discovered that when she believed her thoughts, she suffered, and that freedom from depression was freedom from her own beliefs about the world.

In I Need Your Love – Is that True? Katie advises readers on how to find unhappiness and eliminate it its source.  Unlike Tolle’s guidance to disregard the ego and its incessant thoughts, Katie teaches her readers to trace the origins of their thoughts in order to  destroy negative thinking at its root.

According to Kaite, most thoughts that go through our mind on a daily basis make us unhappy by bending reality and questioning joy through personal quest for love and approval:

"Thoughts about your wants and needs can be very bossy. If you believe them, you feel you have to do what they say; you have to get people’s love and approval. There is another way to respond to a thought, and that is to question it. How can you question your wants and needs? How can you meet your thoughts without believing them?" 

She goes on to explain that people “are loved and supported not because of but despite their efforts.”


In other words, people cannot enjoy life without being free of thoughts that they need something other than what they already have. There is nothing others can do to keep people from loving them. The only way to lose joy is by expecting something other than what's been given. 

In her introductory chapter, Katie demonstrates that even a harmless thought can disrupt someone's joy. She asks her readers to imagine they are sitting outside, where everything is perfect, until a small thought crosses their mind. It could be as innocent as: “I wish I had a pillow” or “I wish I had someone to share this moment with me”. There is  nothing negative in this fleeting thought, but is has just disrupted your bliss and knocked you out of heaven.


In the second chapter and throughout her book, Katie deals directly with common examples of negative thinking and demanding patterns of human relationships.  She deals with the need  for approval, the fear of rejection and other areas in which self esteem suffers.

Katie focuses on relationships made unhappy by blame for being unsatisfied. By using thought questioning method, readers are shown what they really look for in relationships and are taught how to be more loving. 


Katie’s examples penetrate through readers’ innate desire for reciprocity in relationships.  They demonstrates that happiness is not measured by what we're getting from somebody else, is not based on the support of others, and is not contingent upon our expectations. 


Some examples revolve around the personal needs and wants, i.e: "I feel I need this or that from you in order to be happy". Katie asks if that's true, and continues to question until the readers realize that they don't need what they thought they needed; instead they can love unconditionally, without demands.

In other words, love is not about getting what you want, but a balancing act of accepting reality and doing what’s best for each partner individually.

Resisting reality and individual wants brings suffering.  For example, a thought like "He shouldn't be so manipulative"leaves one partner feeling helpless and unhappy.  But, if she were to simply accept the reality of her partner being manipulative she could see how her resistance further contributes to his manipulation and then decide what's best for her and how to achieve it without expecting another person to act the way she wants him to act.

After completing I Need Your Love – Is that True?, the readers are left with tools for identifying the source of their negative emotions, and are taught exactly how to trace the original thought that caused each emotion, how to question it, reverse it, and finally eliminate it from their mind.

The book maybe helpful to anyone who is suffered from being in an unhappy  relationship.  It helps to identify true source of discontentment, shows how to reverse the process, and paves the way to happiness without seeking approval or love from someone else.


Katie's approach is simple and easy to put to good use. 
I found the book to be a bit windy and condescending and would not recommended for people with serious psychological trauma. 

References:

The Official Website for The Work of Byron Katie

The Official Blog for The Work of Byron Katie

 Videos for The Work of Byron Katie

A Wild Sheep Chase - a book review

Haruki Murakami is said to be one of the most popular writers of contemporary Japanese fiction, who  capture nostalgia like no other write I know.  Murakami's books are genuine, surrealistic and psychologically challenging. One of his best qualities as a writer is to use obscure references that suggests different meanings for the story. 

A Wild Sheep Chase is a dreamy detective quest for lost sheep, the meaning of which remains unexplained, but is open to interpretation:

“I don’t know, there’s something of Moby Dick about it.”

“Moby Dick?”

“Sure, the thrill of hunting something down.”

“A mammoth, for example?” said my girlfriend.

“Sure, it’s all related,” said the clerk. “Actually, I named this place the Dolphin Hotel because of a scene with dolphins in Moby Dick.”

“Oh-ho,” said I. “But if that’s the case, wouldn’t have been better to name it the Whale Hotel?”

“Whales don’t have quite the image,” he admitted, with some regret.

The chase or the missing white sheep is full of dubious imagery, dreamy sequences and simple truths:

"Speaking frankly and speaking the truth are two different things entirely. Honesty is to truth as prow is to stern. Honesty appears first and truth appears last. The interval between varies in direct proportion to the size of ship. With anything of size, truth takes a long time in coming. Sometimes it only manifests itself posthumously. Therefore, should I impart you with no truth at this juncture, that is through no fault of mine, nor yours... You and I shall move it forward. By discussing matters in all honesty, we shall proceed one step at a time closer to the truth."

In the end, the readers are free to interpret the meaning of this book as they like, but they won't forget the chase.

Tracing pain - Eckhard Tolle

In the Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle talks about being in the moment in order to overcome pain of suffering that comes from dealing with people. 


Some people drain our energy and bring us down, destroying our confidence.  We use our willpower to stay away from negative sources of energy and try to go on enjoying life freely with disregard for what other people may say or think of us. 

However, people we love have an uncanny ability to bring us down. When we care about people, their slightest expression of displeasure or discomfort with our actions brings forth an array of negative emotions.

Sometimes we get sad and hurt, at other times we feel angry, bitter, and resentful. And the more we think about it, the more we get upset, creating a vicious cycle of negativity.

Tolle’s definition of this condition as the pain body is accurate:

“...The pain body wants to survive, just like every other entity in existance, and it can only survive if it gets you to unconsciously identify with it. It can then rise up, take you over, "become you," and live through you. It needs to get its "food" through you. It will feed on any experience that resonates with its own kind of energy, anything that creates further pain in whatever form: anger, destructiveness, hatred, grief, emotional drama, violence, and even illness.”

Tolle goes on explaining how to deal with this pain:

“Don't think about it - don't let the feeling turn into thinking. Don't judge or analyze. Don't make an identity for yourself out of it. Stay present, and continue to be the observer of what is happening inside you. Become aware not only of the emotional pain but also of "the one who observes," the silent watcher.”

Tolle’s advice may not work for everyone. We are not blind to what’s going on inside our heads, but when things are close to heart, it is often difficult to be a silent observer and push pain away.

It’s much more tempting to barrage the source of negative energy with angry outbursts.   Of course, anger never accomplishes anything. It only causes the other person to shut down, resulting in self doubt, loneliness and insecurity.

Inevitably, we have to face our own pain, analyze it and release it through constructive means.  At times, it is best to just stay alone until you realize what's causing it.  If it is caused by the careless or abusive behavior of others, we don’t have to be bitter or angry about it.  


We can simply walk away from the negative source of emotions and realize you are abusing yourself by allowing others to continue to abuse you. It’s like a saying "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me". 


By questioning the source of our pain, we can realize that no one can cause us distress, other than ourselves.  Everyone is responsible for their own happiness. 

Tracing pain is a process that takes time and practice. It’s especially hard when dealing with sources of frequent discontent, to which we have built resistance.

To regain strength and enjoy life, we must identify the source of suffering and purge negative thoughts that continue to  feed old pain.  Breaking old patterns, helps release the pain and   confusion associated with it. 


To enjoy the future, we must let go of expectations. Ultimately, there is  only the present, where there is no pain. 


As we continue to have relationships with people, there are likely to be appointments and disillusions along the way. But, if we accept ourselves and others as they are and understand that every relationship is designed to make us more aware (instead of happy), each new  relationship will offer a deliverance from pain. 

Five books everyone should read

"Me Talk Pretty One Day" is a collection of autobiographical essays written by David Sedaris, which is even funnier than his earlier undomesticated make belief "Naked". Unless you don't find frenzied bouts of laughter embarrassing, I would not recommend reading this book in public. I read it on the plane and laughed so hard that the stewardess asked me if I was alright. I waved her away, suffering from uncontrollable fits of hysteria. 

 Voltaire's "Candide" is  easily the best satirical novel ever published.  It is a story of a gentle man who, though thrown around and slapped by fate, continues to believe that  "all is for the best in this best of all possible worlds."  Wonderfully entertaining, this novel is suitable for anyone, especially the idealists among us.

Aravand Adiga's "The White Tiger" is a  remarkable novel.  Full of wit, suspense, and provocative originality - a tale of a poor Indian servant, turned entrepreneur.  Although a work of fiction, this book portrays poverty, hardship, injustice and fatality of the Indian caste system in an authentic and unprecedented way.

"The Power of Now" is a rare book with the power to enable readers to see the light and live the way they always wanted to live. Written in a simple and clear language, this book contains cure against  negativity and suffering and teaches how to stay in the NOW, where pain and problems do not exist. 

Gladwell's "Outliers" is a fascinating analysis of what makes the really successful people succeed. Gladwell takes examples of  Bill Gates, Joe Flom, the Beatles and other legends and dispels the crude myths of their success. He presents an alternative and realistic set of explanations for why some people excel  while others don’t. I could not put this book down. I rank it at the top of my library list. 

All he ever wanted - a book review

I picked up All He Ever Wanted at the airport.  Having nothing to read, this book by Anita Shreve seemed intriguing.  It was described as an emotional tale of unanswered love of a man for his wife.  


Set in the last 19th and early 20th centuries, it is a story of Van Tassel and Ms. Bliss, which begins with them going to teas, taking walks and exchanging books. During this proper courtship,  Van Tassel grows with desire, which eventually turns into an obsession. 


Though I am not a fan of the romance genre, I found this romantic novel to be well written. Shreve is especially good at painting details by describing clothes, furnishings and architecture in a way that is appealing and light. 


The story develops slowly at the beginning but gains momentum somewhere towards the middle, proving  to be an engaging study of passions of the mind. 


Below are a few quotations on point: 

"How much of love is a trick of the mind, a mere feat of verbal acrobatics, to accomodate persons who just happen to cross our paths and who suit our needs at one particular moment in time?" 

"The heart may love, but the mind does not. The heart has no mind and the mind has no heart. They are two separate organs, often at war with one another." 

"Passion both erodes and enhances character in equal measure, and not slowly but instantly, and in a such a manner that what is left not in balance but is thrown desperately out of kilter in both directions. The erosion the result of the willingess to do whatever is necessary to obtain the object of ones' desire, even if it means engaging in lies or deception or debasing what was ones treasured. The enhancement a result of the knowledge that one is capable of loving greatly, an understanding that leaves one, paradoxicaly, with a feeling of gratitude and pride in spite of all the carnage." 

"Love, which just moments ago I had thought too domestic and tame a word for my nearly transcendent feelings, was replaced by something for which I have never been able to find a suitable name: the helplessness that descends when a  cherished object has been stolen, the anger that one feels when one has been deceived."