Written by Byron Katie, it's worth a browse for anyone who has been unhappy in a relationship or who is currently seeking approval and love of others.
Byron Katie is an author of many self help books with one common goal: to teach people how to end their own suffering.
Katie created a process to ending suffering, which she calls The Work. By following her method, readers are taught to identify their stressful thoughts and change their resulting belief system by reversing thought patterns.
Not unlike Eckhart Tolle, a well known spiritual author of the bestselling The Power of Now, Byron Katie discovered a new way of life after being severely depressed for almost a decade. Katie calls her enlightenment “waking up to reality.” She discovered that when she believed her thoughts, she suffered, and that freedom from depression was freedom from her own beliefs about the world.
In I Need Your Love – Is that True? Katie advises readers on how to find unhappiness and eliminate it its source. Unlike Tolle’s guidance to disregard the ego and its incessant thoughts, Katie teaches her readers to trace the origins of their thoughts in order to destroy negative thinking at its root.
According to Kaite, most thoughts that go through our mind on a daily basis make us unhappy by bending reality and questioning joy through personal quest for love and approval:
In other words, people cannot enjoy life without being free of thoughts that they need something other than what they already have. There is nothing others can do to keep people from loving them. The only way to lose joy is by expecting something other than what's been given.
"Thoughts about your wants and needs can be very bossy. If you believe them, you feel you have to do what they say; you have to get people’s love and approval. There is another way to respond to a thought, and that is to question it. How can you question your wants and needs? How can you meet your thoughts without believing them?"She goes on to explain that people “are loved and supported not because of but despite their efforts.”
In other words, people cannot enjoy life without being free of thoughts that they need something other than what they already have. There is nothing others can do to keep people from loving them. The only way to lose joy is by expecting something other than what's been given.
In her introductory chapter, Katie demonstrates that even a harmless thought can disrupt someone's joy. She asks her readers to imagine they are sitting outside, where everything is perfect, until a small thought crosses their mind. It could be as innocent as: “I wish I had a pillow” or “I wish I had someone to share this moment with me”. There is nothing negative in this fleeting thought, but is has just disrupted your bliss and knocked you out of heaven.
In the second chapter and throughout her book, Katie deals directly with common examples of negative thinking and demanding patterns of human relationships. She deals with the need for approval, the fear of rejection and other areas in which self esteem suffers.
Katie focuses on relationships made unhappy by blame for being unsatisfied. By using thought questioning method, readers are shown what they really look for in relationships and are taught how to be more loving.
Katie’s examples penetrate through readers’ innate desire for reciprocity in relationships. They demonstrates that happiness is not measured by what we're getting from somebody else, is not based on the support of others, and is not contingent upon our expectations.
Some examples revolve around the personal needs and wants, i.e: "I feel I need this or that from you in order to be happy". Katie asks if that's true, and continues to question until the readers realize that they don't need what they thought they needed; instead they can love unconditionally, without demands.
Katie’s examples penetrate through readers’ innate desire for reciprocity in relationships. They demonstrates that happiness is not measured by what we're getting from somebody else, is not based on the support of others, and is not contingent upon our expectations.
Some examples revolve around the personal needs and wants, i.e: "I feel I need this or that from you in order to be happy". Katie asks if that's true, and continues to question until the readers realize that they don't need what they thought they needed; instead they can love unconditionally, without demands.
In other words, love is not about getting what you want, but a balancing act of accepting reality and doing what’s best for each partner individually.
Resisting reality and individual wants brings suffering. For example, a thought like "He shouldn't be so manipulative"leaves one partner feeling helpless and unhappy. But, if she were to simply accept the reality of her partner being manipulative she could see how her resistance further contributes to his manipulation and then decide what's best for her and how to achieve it without expecting another person to act the way she wants him to act.
After completing I Need Your Love – Is that True?, the readers are left with tools for identifying the source of their negative emotions, and are taught exactly how to trace the original thought that caused each emotion, how to question it, reverse it, and finally eliminate it from their mind.
The book maybe helpful to anyone who is suffered from being in an unhappy relationship. It helps to identify true source of discontentment, shows how to reverse the process, and paves the way to happiness without seeking approval or love from someone else.
Katie's approach is simple and easy to put to good use.
I found the book to be a bit windy and condescending and would not recommended for people with serious psychological trauma.
References:
No comments:
Post a Comment