"To influence a person is to give him one's own soul”
--Oscar Wilde
Philip stood up from his chair and sat next to Rob on the couch, leaning in with a look of discontent. He rather liked Rob and felt compelled to share his knowledge with the young man. At 33, Rob was still a cub, an innocent man, lost in the world of ideals that no longer moved Phil.
Not only will it influence your thoughts and attitudes, but it will also force you to alter you habits, dreams, and goals. What’s worse is that any woman will demand that you adapt her virtues, give up your sins, and subscribe to ideations that are not your own. Not only that, but any man involved in a serious relationship cannot remain free from someone else's taste in music, film, art, literature, food. Do you really want to be swayed by a woman about what you can and cannot do, what films you want to see, what concerts you should to attend, when you should paint and when you should take her out? Do you really want a woman to dictate your life?”
Rob was aware that Phil’s authority was based upon his own failed experiences. Yet, Phil’s ideas were not entirely new; Rob has wondered the same things before. He just was not willing to accept them.
“And what is the alternative, Phil?
Each individual aspires to realize his true nature to perfection. But in order to be true to oneself, one must remain selfish and alone. And I don’t intend on living my life alone. I want to spend it with someone who would accept me the way I am. Who would love and appreciate me unconditionally, despite my interests, thoughts, tastes, and misgivings. And I am prepared to do the same, if and when I ever meet a woman who finds me interesting enough to share a life with.
I am not looking just for any woman, mind you. I strive to find someone who is my true equal – a woman with the same personality traits, similar values, interests and goals. I have gone through life searching for this perfect mate, a soul mate as people like to call it, and I am not going to give up searching because I do not want to be an actors in someone else’s play. I want to make up a life with someone who wants the same things I do. I want to write a play together.”
“Oh, but you are wrong”, retorted Rob and stood up to give his next speech more pathos.
“Nowadays, people are too scared of being alone, of living alone. You seek companionship because you are lost. You think you will be happy when you find a woman who will accept you the way you are, but you don’t even know who you are. You have not even begun to understand your true potential. You want to be understood and cared for regardless of your faults. It’s childish to want to be loved unconditionally. What you need to strive for is accepting yourself unconditionally and realizing your unfulfilled potential.
Look around: you’ll see people engaging in altruistic endeavors and giving money to the poor, women donating time to charitable causes, men painting a portrait of concerned and outstanding citizens and members of organizations. All these people look admirable on the outside. All the while, they remain empty and lonely on the inside because they continue to ignore their inner thirst for development and duty to their spirit.
Then, on their deathbed, they realize that they had never lived their life fully and have never completely given into their whims. Look at your late friend, Natasha. How old was she? 29? Just before she died, she changed her blog description to say “if only I could live my life all over again, I would dance more, smell flowers more often, stress less, and so on and so forth.” And what happened to her? She died suddenly, alone, completely unfulfilled, leaving an epitaph of failed hopes and failed dreams because she was afraid to be honest with herself. She could have lived, really lived Rob, but she didn’t and she can’t. You can.
Go out there and live. Go realize the beauty of your dreams, express your thoughts freely, without fear of being judged. Don’t be afraid to think and feel. Don’t wait to strive for the ideal of yourself that you have painted in your mind. Reach for your soul and tap into your inner strength. Stop searching for a woman to fulfill your dreams. Go home, write your own epitaph the way you want to be remembered and start living your life that way.”
Phil finished his soliloquy and suddenly felt rather tired. He knew that he was wasting his breath on Rob, who was too young to understand. Men at 33 simply could not understand the futility of looking for a soul mate without having experienced a dozen failed relationships the way Phil had. He walked out onto the terrace and peed on a palm tree.
Rob stood up and stood still for a few minutes. With lips drawn tightly and eyebrows raised he wondered in troubled thought if Phil was right. His speech moved Rob the way painting moved him when his mind was not stimulated, but he painted with his heart. Giving way to emotions that were brooding inside his chest, Rob realized that Phil was right. Robert had done little to realize his dreams. It was time he started a new painting. He already knew it would be a masterpiece. He could not contain the excitement rising up in his chest. It was hard to breathe. Fretfully, he ran out of Phil’s apartment without saying good bye.
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