In the Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle talks about being in the moment in order to overcome pain of suffering that comes from dealing with people.
Some people drain our energy and bring us down, destroying our confidence. We use our willpower to stay away from negative sources of energy and try to go on enjoying life freely with disregard for what other people may say or think of us.
However, people we love have an uncanny ability to bring us down. When we care about people, their slightest expression of displeasure or discomfort with our actions brings forth an array of negative emotions.
Sometimes we get sad and hurt, at other times we feel angry, bitter, and resentful. And the more we think about it, the more we get upset, creating a vicious cycle of negativity.
Tolle’s definition of this condition as the pain body is accurate:
“...The pain body wants to survive, just like every other entity in existance, and it can only survive if it gets you to unconsciously identify with it. It can then rise up, take you over, "become you," and live through you. It needs to get its "food" through you. It will feed on any experience that resonates with its own kind of energy, anything that creates further pain in whatever form: anger, destructiveness, hatred, grief, emotional drama, violence, and even illness.”
Tolle goes on explaining how to deal with this pain:
“Don't think about it - don't let the feeling turn into thinking. Don't judge or analyze. Don't make an identity for yourself out of it. Stay present, and continue to be the observer of what is happening inside you. Become aware not only of the emotional pain but also of "the one who observes," the silent watcher.”
Tolle’s advice may not work for everyone. We are not blind to what’s going on inside our heads, but when things are close to heart, it is often difficult to be a silent observer and push pain away.
It’s much more tempting to barrage the source of negative energy with angry outbursts. Of course, anger never accomplishes anything. It only causes the other person to shut down, resulting in self doubt, loneliness and insecurity.
Inevitably, we have to face our own pain, analyze it and release it through constructive means. At times, it is best to just stay alone until you realize what's causing it. If it is caused by the careless or abusive behavior of others, we don’t have to be bitter or angry about it.
We can simply walk away from the negative source of emotions and realize you are abusing yourself by allowing others to continue to abuse you. It’s like a saying "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me".
By questioning the source of our pain, we can realize that no one can cause us distress, other than ourselves. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness.
Tracing pain is a process that takes time and practice. It’s especially hard when dealing with sources of frequent discontent, to which we have built resistance.
To regain strength and enjoy life, we must identify the source of suffering and purge negative thoughts that continue to feed old pain. Breaking old patterns, helps release the pain and confusion associated with it.
To enjoy the future, we must let go of expectations. Ultimately, there is only the present, where there is no pain.
As we continue to have relationships with people, there are likely to be appointments and disillusions along the way. But, if we accept ourselves and others as they are and understand that every relationship is designed to make us more aware (instead of happy), each new relationship will offer a deliverance from pain.
