On secret clubs and mixed tapes

It's early.  I'm not a fan of eating so early.  Especially not when I have to eat airport food of egg and cheese taco and Schepps orange juice.  I feel a rather uneasy quiver inside. 

I don't even know why I got up so early.  But being late for the plane is worse than waiting, so I'll wait.  I like waiting actually. I used to hate it, but now it gives me a chance to enjoy the moment. 


It's quiet at the airport.  it was also quiet on the road.  I enjoyed the mystery of being one of a few lonely people driving  in the dark.  It's like belonging to a special club only few dare to join and no one talks about.   It's better than Fight Club.

When I was much, much younger, I used to go on random midnight rides, just to be alone with my thoughts.  I even once had a boyfriend follow me around, trying to figure out what I was doing.  Poor chap thought I was driving off to see a secret lover.   I just wanted to be by myself on the road, alone with myself.

I don't go on midnight drives anymore, but I do miss them occasionally.  I like driving in the dark.  Part of its allure is ability to be completely free of everyday minutia, submerged inside thoughts, which entwine with the road, the music inside or the sound of wind outside.


Sometimes the music is just a sound of the road and early morning birds.  At other times, I listen to CDs. The manmade music always sounds clearer, somehow crisper in the dark.  While the body is still waking up, the brain is already at work, enjoying the sound, processing the furtive lyrics, tapping to the rhythm. 

The music must be right.  It cannot be a random radio station; it  must be something special.  Something made just for me, either by me or by someone who knows me well. 

Today I pulled out just the right mix, made last fall by someone who loves me.  Almost one year old, it is aged to perfection.  Not too outdated for pleasure and not too familiar. It had just enough time to sit around in my car, waiting to be re savored. 


It's a rather eclectic mix of a few ballads and some silly songs thrown in just for kicks.  I skipped over the silly stuff and went directly to the beautiful Society by Eddie Vedder: 


Oh it's a mystery to me.
We have a greed, with which we have agreed...
and you think you have to want more than you need...
until you have it all, you won't be free.

This is perfection: "We have a greed, with which we have agreed"


Nothing is better, except for the tune.  It envelopes me in nostalgia like no other song.

There're a few other relics on this CD.   Listening to them in the dark, balms my soul in the magic of early morning.  No one else in sight,  just me, the road and the music of silent joy.

Some of my artwork

beloved, watercolor


dolce far niento, watercolor



still life, oil



nude, pencil

Ludmila, watercolor

Barcelona

On unrequited love and 500 Days of Summer

Staring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel, 500 Days of Summer moves to the bittersweet music of the Smith, Wolfmother and Regina Spektor. Despite being filled with emo references, it is an upbeat and charming film about unrequited love. It tells a story of 500 days from Tom Hansen's life that revolve around his wannabee girlfriend. Tom is a romantic greeting card writer and architectural school dropout, who meets and falls in love with a fetching by cynical new company secretary, Summer Finn.

Unlike most relationship films, it begins with a break-up that throws Tom into the pits of depression. The rest of the film revolves around Tom flashing back and forth over the 500 days of his life in a heartbroken quest to figure out what went wrong with Summer and how to win her back. While Tom is lost in a fantasy world, the spectator gets an unfair advantage of seeing what is really happening between Tom and Summer.

The trouble sets in from the very beginning, when Summer claims not to believe in love and announces that she does not want to have a serious relationship with Tom. Tom accepts, reversing the stereotypical gender roles.

Zooey Deschannel is cute and quirky in her portrayal of a self involved Summer. Her edginess gives a certain depth to Summer’s otherwise bland personality, but she is not the one who carries the film. Instead, it is Joseph Gordon-Levitt who is irresistible as an overzealous lover. It is hard to watch him suffer without feeling sorry for him and falling just a little in love with his dreamy antics.

My favorite scene is one of him dancing through the park with an animated bluebird. Despite being silly, this moment authentically conveys a feeling of madly falling in love, when every pedestrian seems to congratulate you and give you a high five.

Other ambitious scenes involve a dreamlike black and white old film parody sequence. (I dare you to identify which old films director Mard Webb had in mind). Lastly, I enjoyed the contrast between two scenes in which Tom sings karaoke: a charming, confident and full of life singer vs. an epitome of a failed emo lover.

What I liked the most about this film was camera work. With soft lighting, cartoon effects and gentle swipes through the back streets of Los Angeles, it creates an intimate atmosphere that brings Tom and Summer closer to real life. The film unfolds slowly and remains refreshing without being overly dramatic or serious. Despite being somewhat predictable and goofy at the end,it paints an honest picture of what it's like to be on each side of an unrequited love affair, leaving the viewer free to feel, laugh and sympathize.

Malta

Genoa

Messina