On secret clubs and mixed tapes

It's early.  I'm not a fan of eating so early.  Especially not when I have to eat airport food of egg and cheese taco and Schepps orange juice.  I feel a rather uneasy quiver inside. 

I don't even know why I got up so early.  But being late for the plane is worse than waiting, so I'll wait.  I like waiting actually. I used to hate it, but now it gives me a chance to enjoy the moment. 


It's quiet at the airport.  it was also quiet on the road.  I enjoyed the mystery of being one of a few lonely people driving  in the dark.  It's like belonging to a special club only few dare to join and no one talks about.   It's better than Fight Club.

When I was much, much younger, I used to go on random midnight rides, just to be alone with my thoughts.  I even once had a boyfriend follow me around, trying to figure out what I was doing.  Poor chap thought I was driving off to see a secret lover.   I just wanted to be by myself on the road, alone with myself.

I don't go on midnight drives anymore, but I do miss them occasionally.  I like driving in the dark.  Part of its allure is ability to be completely free of everyday minutia, submerged inside thoughts, which entwine with the road, the music inside or the sound of wind outside.


Sometimes the music is just a sound of the road and early morning birds.  At other times, I listen to CDs. The manmade music always sounds clearer, somehow crisper in the dark.  While the body is still waking up, the brain is already at work, enjoying the sound, processing the furtive lyrics, tapping to the rhythm. 

The music must be right.  It cannot be a random radio station; it  must be something special.  Something made just for me, either by me or by someone who knows me well. 

Today I pulled out just the right mix, made last fall by someone who loves me.  Almost one year old, it is aged to perfection.  Not too outdated for pleasure and not too familiar. It had just enough time to sit around in my car, waiting to be re savored. 


It's a rather eclectic mix of a few ballads and some silly songs thrown in just for kicks.  I skipped over the silly stuff and went directly to the beautiful Society by Eddie Vedder: 


Oh it's a mystery to me.
We have a greed, with which we have agreed...
and you think you have to want more than you need...
until you have it all, you won't be free.

This is perfection: "We have a greed, with which we have agreed"


Nothing is better, except for the tune.  It envelopes me in nostalgia like no other song.

There're a few other relics on this CD.   Listening to them in the dark, balms my soul in the magic of early morning.  No one else in sight,  just me, the road and the music of silent joy.