In a recent Atlantic Monthly article entitled "The End of Men -- How Women are Taking Control of Everything," Hanna Rosin applied some fresh statistics towards a projection that men have become obsolete. Although I found her observations interesting, I do not agree with her logic. Men have not become outdated; rather, women have become more powerful and demanding, resulting in a distorted societal vision of gender roles and confused female/male identity.
Specifically, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, women are taking over fifty percent of all professional jobs in the US. Specifically, they now hold 51.4 percent of managerial and professional jobs, make up 54 percent of accountants, and hold about 50 percent of all banking and insurance jobs. About thirty percent of US physicians are female and about 45 percent are associates in law firms. The only professions in which women continue to make up a minority of new worker are engineering and hard-science fields.
In the debris of the recession, three-quarters of the 8 million jobs lost were lost by men, with a majority of industries consisting of construction, manufacturing, and high finance. In the mean time, the jobs women used to do, like caring for the children, cooking, and cleaning have been replaced by other women of lower social economic standing. This economic elimination of men creates a larger percent of women in the work force, accelerating an economic shift away from jobs that require physical strength towards jobs requiring greater social intelligence, multitasking, and communication skills.
In addition, for every two men who get a college degree this year, three women will do the same. There are more female politicians and judges than ever before. And with biological advances, men are gradually becoming obsolete in child rearing, while more and more women decide to become single mothers.
With all these changes in the modern society, women are becoming better suited to succeed than men, resulting in an unprecedented role reversal. As women become better educated, more independent and powerful, they also become more confused about their identity, bending traditional gender roles and taking on masculine qualities such as strength, assertiveness, confidence, energy, determination, leadership and reason.
This should be exciting news for women, but in reality, women are becoming more frustrated with their inability to find a responsible male partner, while men find women more and more intimidating and unappealing. Women are starting to wear the pants and are suddenly realizing that they can do it all with or without a man. This results in women feeling entitled to a lot more than they used to in the past and men feeling emasculated.
As women become more educated, better traveled and more successful, their demands for a suitable mate escalate. Women don’t just want a manly man with a job, they want a tall, dark and handsome, fit, mature, well traveled and well educated man. They are still operating under the outdated stereotypes and expect a man to have a job that pays nearly double of what a well educated successful woman makes. But how can a young professional female meet a highly successful man, if according to the recent statistics, the only jobs in which well educated men will excel better than women will be in the engineering and hard-science fields? A female executive, banker, or doctor will always make more money than an engineer or a scientist.
Because of these outdated stereotypes, men who earn less than women begin to feel inferior and suffer from diminished self esteem issues. Some of them become bitter and take it out on women, while women become bitter about not being able to meet men who earn more than they do.
Some may wonder why financial security is so important to young professional women? Because most of them want to have children and having children is becoming more and more expensive. In fact, according to the recent article in Times magazine, many people opt out for only having one child simply because they cannot afford to have more than one. This leads young professional women to thinking as follows: "if I am to give up my career to making a child and taking care of it, my husband must be able to support us and our child, while maintaining the same standard of living we are accustomed to." And professional men and women are accustomed to a lot. They travel for work all over the country, sometimes world, on the company dollar. But when professional women give up their jobs, they still expect to travel, only they will not be able to afford it if their husbands' salaries will be smaller than theirs.
Thus, some professional women choose to stay single and continue traveling. Others settle for men with less money, but continue to work, while taking care of a child and a man. Eventually, they get tired and file for divorce because they don't feel like working to support a child and having to deal with a man child who cannot provide for the family.
This results in a surplus of professional women with great jobs and no men. These women think they can do it all, but in reality they are only human and can’t do everything on their own. So they hire maids, nannies, secretaries, while continuing to spend money on clothes for work, travel expenses, etc, all of which diminishes finances and either drives women to work harder or pushes them harder to search for a very rich husband, who also must be young, fit and attractive (which is completely unrealistic in the real world.)
So, where does this leave educated men, who make less money than their professional female friends? They do different things. Some adapt to unrealistic demands of professional women by pretending to have money. They go out and buy cars, toys and clothes that make them look like they have money, while investing little time in trying to meet the increasing expectations of successful women. (But most women can see through the façade and quickly figure out when men cover up their lack of financial security with flashy possessions.)
Other men date and marry girls who are less concerned about money or they marry pretty girls who are less educated than their professional friends. Then these couples move to the suburbs and have children. Or they live happily ever after inside the city without children because they cannot afford to have any. Only this does not always work. For instance, some men become bored with their undereducated wives and take on intellectual female lovers.
And, of course, there are plenty of men, who don't get married at all. Quite a few professional men with little money enjoy untroubled life of economic independence and sexual freedom, avoiding marriage and responsibility all together.
So, the problem with the rise of professional women lies not only with women being too demanding, but also with men being highly resistant to change. Many men find women who make more money than they do unappealing. And as they get rejected, these men become increasingly frustrated with their inability to offer women financial security while also retaining their masculinity.
In the mean time, men with money imagine that they can buy any woman that comes their way, regardless of the size of their scotch belly or the acne scars on their face. (This is not to say that all rich men fit this description). To make matters worse, older men preach to young girls that their only chance for happiness is to settle down with an older millionaire.
All the while, all men, old or young, tell women that they expect too much and should settle for less. Some women acquiesce and do settle for less, while many successful, intelligent and beautiful young women take on young, fit, and attractive lovers.
All of this, leaves professional men and women fewer chances of finding a mate. Hence there is a greater market of young professional singles, who remain single well into their thirties and sometimes forties.
Inevitably, the rise of women in power leads to a dystopian society filled with older men dating really hot dumb girls, male players who avoid marriage, male drones who suffer from insecurity issues, smart girls with young hot lovers, and a bunch of lonely female workers busy taking care of themselves and their young. Basically, fewer and fewer happily married people and more and more single young professionals. None of this looks encouraging.
All that said, with the end of something there is always a beginning of something new. So, the real problem is not the "end of men" as Rosin calls it, but the future of professional men and women in America.
The way I see it is as follows: everyone needs to readjust their expectations. Women need to do a reality check and accept the fact that they will not find a hot young rich husband, who makes more money than they do. Men should get used to the reality of making the same amount of money as professional women, while remaining secure about their masculinity by doing things men know how to do best and women don’t know how to do, like fixing things around the house, etc.
At the end of the day, success is not measured by the leadership positions men and women hold at work or by their unrealistic expectations, but by one’s ability to open their heart and adapt to the ever changing environment.
In this sink or swim world, only the fittest and most adaptable will make it ahead. That means that people should not only keep themselves physically fit, but should also become mentally, emotionally and spiritually stable. When competition becomes too cut throat, it is not due to accomplishments, but due to inability to open one's heart.
Sometimes, it is wiser to take a step back in order to move ahead with balance and grace.
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